End of the World May 21st? The Hangover

 

Friends,
May 21, 2011 came and has become the great doomsday went.

That means the latest and greatest Chicken Christian Little, the president and host Harold Camping of American Christian Family Radio, scored another doomsday goofsday. If you are not naked at this moment, reading this HogueProphecy article on your transubstantiated laptop, nook, iPad or cell phone, sitting on a cloud. If you are not feeling crowded off your cloud by 3 percent of the global population (200 million naked ascended folks) called up into the heavens by Christ knows what in the twinkling of an Eye-Pad. If the civilization-ending earthquake wave rolling across every time zone as the clock struck 6 pm did not launch your corporeal form into Jesus space. If you have not been left behind as all of your holier-than-thou friends and neighbors suddenly blasted off, pant suit, suit and tieless, well I guess world prophecy’s longest lasting doomsday cry of “wolf!” has yet again whimpered to no avail and kept the a great and rapturous “unhappening” alive for another prophet anticipated doomsday.

Starting in 2010, the man who predicted this Rapture happening in 1994, math-master-bated mentally a new calculation that 21 May was Mayday of tribulation for the world. Opening God’s last show on a doomed Earth is the ascension, body, bobby socks and soul, of the chosen Christian true believers, teleported right out of their mundane lives into a great nudist camp in the icy clouds on high.

Harold Camping’s take on Rapture/Tribulation prophecies went for the temporal fast food track of tribulation. It will not last the more accepted projection of seven years. Harold is camping on five months for the unbelievers left behind on Earth to convert like the cladless Christian cloudies already saved on high, or see the end of the world take them to hell in a Harold Camping basket on 21 October 2011.

Harold Camper, Christian Prophet unextraordinare.

A year before that appointed time, you might have sat on the Rapture date in Colorado Springs posted on park benches. As the last Christmas holiday approached in 2010, you may have seen five recreational vehicles pass you by on the freeways from Seattle, Washington, to Oakland down to Los Angeles, California, with their light catching posting of the doomsday dates in reflector letters and numbers.

Hey! What just rolled by my car in traffic jams from Canada to South Carolina, North Carolina, Georgia, Texas, Florida, Utah, Maryland, and past burrito stands in Mexico? The same fleet of caravans with adds for the end of Anno Domini digital clock time paid for by the biggest end time ad campaign since nothing eschatologically happened on the turn of the Christian millennium 11 years ago.

Raise your head heavenward this spring and you would have caught a glimpse of the frightened guy squatting before a sun’s fireball orb like he is about to let slip his bowels in trousers on large billboards paid by Christian Family Radio in cities around the US to the tune of a media add campaign costing $100 million dollars.

The only end time, this time is a judgment day of credibility for this wizened, silly little old man who famously predicted and flubbed the last Rapture date in 1994. Once again Camping suffered a stroke of bunkollah Rapture liftoff this time for 2011. Up to yesterday’s “great giddy up morning” Camping defended his new prediction declaring, “I know it’s absolutely true, because the Bible is always absolutely true.”

Such is the case of people who speak in absolutes. It means they are guided by their heart, beyond all reason, to a state of hysteria, resulting in yesterday’s Rapture ruptured faster than you can drop your ascension robe and say “Heaven’s Gate.”

Yes, it is true, the vast majority of Christians rejected Camping’s campy eschatology, including those of you who are Christians and readers of Hogueprophecy too — naughty, naughty J. However, let us be fair. Those of you readers who identify with the Christian flock must bear witness to a bad prophetic habit in your faith. I first criticized it back in the publication of Millennium Book of Prophecy in 1994 (Read an overview of the book by clicking on doomsday May 21st), as you may notice, the year of Mr. Camping’s last dooms-dumbsday Rapture liftoff date is in the following passage:

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Like to know when the world will end? Here are some dates proffered by Christianity: 996, 1186, 1533, 1665, 1866, 1931, 1945, 1954, 1960, 1965, 1967 and September 1994. Christian prophets have gambled on more dates for doomsday than any other religion. Perhaps their next cry of “wolf!” won’t be a solo, but just another wail in a chorus singing a song of doom for 2000.

…Back in the 990s, the Christian world held its breath. It was believed that Judgment Day would come a thousand years after the birth of Christ. Medieval preachers interpreted the biblical hordes from the north — from Gog and Magog — to be the fearsome Vikings ransacking their towns and churches. Present-day Sunday school teachers are just as adamant that the Gog-Magogians are the Russians — perestroika and a thawing Cold War aside. On the other hand, today’s believers in virgin births and the rumors of virgin births have one up on their first-millennium counterparts. They haven’t missed the linchpin that unleashes the true Apocalypse: not only must the Jews first return to the Holy Land and re-establish Israel, but also the Temple of Solomon must be rebuilt. In 1989 the petitions for a new temple were so numerous that even the Israeli Ministry of Religious Affairs was pressured to consider the idea for the first time. In late 1990 rumors of Jewish militants coming to set the temple’s cornerstone next to the Dome of the Rock inspired some of the bloodiest rioting to date between Palestinians and Israelis at that sacred spot.

The tenth-century prediction was not fulfilled. Now the bets are on the twentieth. Most Christian seers of this closing millennium stake their wagers on the words of a document discovered in the sixteenth-century monastery of Maria Laach, which says: The twentieth century will bring death and destruction, apostasy from the Church, discord in families, cities and governments… Put in other words by the Abbot Genet, before 1798: The twentieth century will not pass before the beginning of the Judgment.

In the sleepy Indian state of Goa stands the five hundred-year-old Basilica of the Bom Jesus. One can escape the heat and glare of the tropical midday sun and find within the dark interior of a side chapel the cool-to-the-touch silver coffin of St. Francis Xavier. The citizens of this former Portuguese colony will tell you that the body has remained uncorrupted by the tropical climate for five centuries.

The mummified saint is a desiccated device of prophecy. It is foretold that when Xavier’s corpse begins to rot you can set your watch for the onslaught of the latter days. All local claims to the contrary, one need only regard the current state of the Jesuit cadaver-under-glass to confirm that the beginning of the end time has begun.

The Millennium Book of Prophecy (1994):
Crossroads at the End of Time, pp. 29, 36-37

When “Art” Rang the Doomsday Rapture “Bell”

Something just stinks about all this fore-scheduling of end times. Eleven years ago I had to clear the air a few days into the new millennium when I appeared on Coast to Coast AM on 4 January 2000. Art Bell, the host, set up an intriguing hypothetical situation. Here is the interchange. The transcripts I recovered did not adequately record the spirit of what I said, so I have taken the liberty to improve and expand upon my response 11 years later trusting that truth lives in the eternity of the present. Thus while I am honoring what I said back then, I have presently brought my statements from 2000 up to date hopefully with more eloquence than I could muster at that time, while at the same time endeavoring to preserve Art’s words just as they were transcribed:

ART BELL
I’ve got a question that I want to ask you now and I want you to think about it during the [commercial] break.

HOGUE
All right.

ART BELL
If you woke up one day along with the rest of the world. And found out that a great majority of the Christians over night, had disappeared [in the Rapture] and were no longer on earth. And NBC or CBS or whoever, came to you, John Hogue, and said, “They’re gone. The Christians appear to be gone John. What do you say?”

HOGUE
I’ve got a great answer. Stay tuned.

ART BELL
Right here on this radio station. That’s a dangerous question. I know a lot of people will agree with the answer. And a whole lot will be angry. Hogue is here causing trouble. If you want some input then get on the telephone and call. Because that’s what we’re here for.

COMMERCIAL BREAK COMMENCES…
[There must have been 20 million people across North America pondering what in the “other world” I would say while AM Radio commercial barkers peddled soap and human growth hormones. A few minutes later we were back on the air.]

ART BELL
Here we are in a brand new millennium and the Christians have all been sucked up. And the interview is with John Hogue. Probably with some pretty nervous, you know, like network reporter. They certainly wouldn’t be sucked up. So they’re coming to you and their saying, “John, the Christians are all gone. What do you make of this?”

HOGUE
All right, I want to speak first to the people who believe in doomsday for all of us who are left behind, because any person who I’ve ever talked to who believes they’re going to be taken in a twinkling of an eye, they harbor a certain under the surface good bye you suckers attitude.

Of course you’re going to be happy about being carried off in the Rapture. You’re not going to be here for the seven-year tribulation. So if Hal Lindsey and all those people have gone, I say, “Thank God.”

That’s all I can say. “Thank you God!”

Thank you for answering my prayers.

Now let’s make this world work. Let’s at last strive to make our world a great place to live. Lets get out from under the spell of all these silly, anti-life and apocalyptic fools who have thankfully flown into the clouds.

ART BELL
Oh man. You’re lucky this is not the old days. And I can almost hear lots of crackling hell-fires beneath your feet.

HOGUE
I know. I know. Well fortunately in the 20th and the 21st century there have been a few improvements.

ART BELL
Uh-huh. Well in some ways.

HOGUE
In some ways.

ART BELL
Well, you’re on the air with John Hogue.

(Caller named “DAVID”)
Mr. Hogue. The religious impulse has always been strong in the human psyche. Probably second only to the need for self-preservation. So after thousands of years of religious conditioning. Realistically speaking do you think that people will ever be able to break through that impulse and come around to a more sophisticated way of looking at the universe?

HOGUE
I claim it’s happened to me. If a schlep like me can do it, I think anybody can do it.

I grew up with a lot of my family becoming born again Christians and I struggled with the urge to do the same for a long time. Then I suddenly just realized that whatever Christ was — whatever myth of identity was put on the being that was originally named Y’shua — I know he loves me. And I love him. And I don’t need anybody to tell me how to love him.

ART BELL
Or what will happen to you if you don’t.

HOGUE
What will happen is not love. That’s fear. And there’s no love in fear. When people say I fear God, there can be no love there. You fear Adolf Hitler. You don’t fear God.

ART BELL
But even if the Bible said that God was a jealous God?

HOGUE
Human beings wrote those words. I don’t know if God meant that. All I can say is that people wrote it down in a book. People are filled with jealousy. Why would they not color transmissions from God with that green-eyed monster of jealousy in their hearts?

ART BELL
Now you wouldn’t say God would be jealous would you?]

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