Miscellany

 

An interesting Sunday. Despite the Mail's insistence that this would be the hottest day of the year, it's pissed down harder than an incontinent with a fire hose in his mouth and it didn't even make 20C. The sun came out at 9:50 pm to say goodbye and give a teenager a quick skin cancer, and that was it.
Dick Puddlecote offers a possible answer to why smoke can magically pass through walls. It uses the mains wires to travel. Yes, electricity is generated by burning tons of UKBA-stolen tobacco in furnaces, indoors, in a workplace, and nobody gets fined. Nobody is at all worried about second hand smoke from tons of tobacco, not even ASH. Try lighting half a gram in a pub and see what happens.
If you're an Electrosmoker, charging the battery relies on burning far more tobacco than you could ever smoke. So it's all been a bit pointless in the end.
If you live near a power station, open the window and take a deep breath. You are now addicted, but don't worry about it because you'll be dead soon anyway. If you're a smoker, think of the money you'll save.
Watch out for those kettles. Tobbaco-produced electricity contaminates the wires and by extension, the boiled water. The yellow stain takes time to reach your house but the nicotine is there now. Best seal up all the sockets before it's too late! Does your tea look just a little darker than it used to? Oh dear.
The Euro is becoming interesting. I wonder who will be first to leave, Greece or Germany? Greece leaving would be a serious blow to this toy currency, but Germany leaving would bring a much quicker end to it. What was it for, anyway? Was it just to allow the banks to employ dimmer staff? Nobody needs to calculate exchange rates if there isn't one.
Education is still a mess. Teachers are to strike this week, which might well improve the nation's literacy. Mr. Gove wants a 'mum's army' to take over teaching while the teachers stand outside with banners provided by someone who can spell. Interesting that he doesn't want any dads involved, but then he's just showing solidarity with his leader, and staying in tune with the 'all men are paedophiles' message. We used to only be rapists, you know, and before that we were mere mysogynists. Give it ten years and you'll believe we're all trying to shag your cat.
The children, of course, are all little angels.
Finally, a Terrible Thing is coming. Health warnings have been issued and hospitals put on alert. What is it? Beansprout botty bugs? Asteroids? An escaped virus from a Government facility? Nuclear armageddon? Adam and the Ants comeback tour?
Worse. It seems there is a very real danger that it might be sunny for a day or two. But not to worry. We'll be back to normal thunderstorms and rain soon. Just wrap up well in tinfoil coated with paint and you'll easily survive the terrible hour or so of sunshine that might or might not happen.
It's safe here. Slate grey from horizon to horizon. I have a feeling the sun has risen, because the clouds look brighter.
There is still a sun up there, isn't there?

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